Saying no is hard. Saying no during the summertime, when the weather is nice and it stays lighter out later, can be equally challenging, even more so when plans may feel forced. Summertime is a weird time. Just coming out of the harsh, cold winter and barely having a spring, then jumping into the summertime is a lot. Wintertime is when most people hibernate, spend time indoors, and don’t want to be bothered when it snows outside. When summer hits, the weather gets warm, and the days stay lighter later, people feel this need to overcompensate for the time spent indoors and on the couch in the winter and push themselves too hard.
It’s essential to learn the balance between socializing and having fun in the summer and caring for yourself and your needs during this time. Learning how to say no is powerful in prioritizing yourself and respecting your own boundaries while also having fun. An article from betterup explains why people find it hard to say no. “Another reason you may find it difficult to say no is if you doubt yourself. With imposter syndrome, you feel like you are not good enough to do the role that you are in. Because of these feelings, you avoid saying no to others. You are afraid they will think you are unable to perform your roles and responsibilities. It can also make it hard to say no to yourself. You constantly feel that you have to say yes to prove to yourself that you can actually do your job.” Online therapy is an amazing way to prioritize your time if you are busy with everything happening. FOMO is rough, but there is a way to achieve balance.
Understand your priorities!
Often, when plans get brought up, they don’t sound that fun, but we force ourselves to want to do things because it’s summer and we feel we have to. Understanding your priorities, likes, and dislikes can help make it easier on you to figure out what you really want to do. Challenge yourself to make a list of things that make you happy in the summertime and things that don’t make you happy but you are used to doing in the summer anyway. Are you happy sitting and reading a book in the morning while drinking coffee outside? Are you happy going for a walk alone to recharge? Think about how many times a week you want to spend time with friends and spread out that time! You don’t have to cram plans in with all your friends simultaneously.
Understanding who you are and what you need will help you maintain your social battery as summer is long. These choices will help you not burn out too early into the summer. The summer can also be a good time to set realistic goals, whether within the workspace, creative space, or personal space. Maybe you want to pick up a new hobby involving being outside or joining a run club to meet new friends. Maybe that is just relaxing more and taking time for yourself instead of going out for that dreaded dinner with another friend. According to Flashpack, “If you’re overworked, you’re running on empty.” The article says, “If you need any further convincing, studies have shown that taking care of yourself is the first step to looking after others. Sometimes referred to as the oxygen mask theory (when on a plane, you’re advised to put one on before assisting someone else with theirs), the idea is that you’ll be in a stronger position to help others – and that it’s the opposite of selfish.”
Self-Care
Just like you must recharge your phone, computer, and electronics needing batteries, you must recharge yourself! Socializing, especially in the summer when it is hot and so many people are out and about, could be draining. Allowing yourself to have downtime just for you is as important as sleep is. Self-care can look like so many different things to different people. Maybe that’s taking an Instagram break for the day and recharging your social media battery, or maybe it’s staying home for dinner and having a meal for yourself where you don’t have to worry about anyone else.
As said in Fargo Mom, “Social media can increase our fear of missing out. It creates an illusion that others are living more fascinating or glamorous lives. As a result, scrolling can leave us feeling like we don’t measure up compared to what others are doing. Focus on connecting in person instead of using social media. Also, a goal should be made to reduce the time spent on social media. Social media breeds social comparison, which is called “comparison culture.” The less scrolling, the less comparing you’ll do. Thus, it offers more opportunities for in-person connection and potentially less mom guilt.” Self-care can also be in the form of exercise and meditation. Summer can be very hot, but walking outside can be beneficial when the weather isn’t too steamy. Meditation is also very beneficial as it can lower one’s anxiety and restart the mind.
Be honest about what you need.
If a friend is a good friend, they will understand that you need time to yourself and give you space to be the best version of yourself so it is not a drag when you are together. You don’t need to give elaborate, drawn-out excuses or explanations, as that often leads to more anxiety. If a friend is giving you a hard time for you needing some alone time, they may not be looking at your best interests. If you don’t want to do that exact time a friend gives but another day works for you, offer another time up and see what that friend says! You are not allowed to give in to every person who asks you to do something on their time; make it on your time, too!
According to a Self article written by Rachel Wilkerson Miller, “Saying no also gives you a chance to learn more about the people in your life and how they treat you’. Here’s the thing: Anyone who refuses to take no for an answer about relatively minor requests probably isn’t great at respecting boundaries in general, which is helpful information to have! Boundaries are about way more than just roller skating on a Saturday; they can also be about your bodily autonomy, money, belongings, and privacy. You might find that a person who reacts very badly to “Oh, thank you for the invite, but I’m not a big fan of roller skating” has problems taking no for an answer regarding the bigger stuff. If your people are guilt-tripping you, pressuring you to do something, or otherwise not “letting” you say no, that’s a Them Problem, not a You Problem. The people worthy of your time, money, and energy will communicate that they respect your needs, preferences, and TIME, even if they are disappointed by your no at the moment.
How to deal with FOMO
Dealing with FOMO, aka the “fear of missing out,” has a lot to do with mindset, as we often focus on the negative and stuff we are missing out on rather than why we are missing it and how we benefit from it. Putting your focus and concentration on what you’re gaining by saying no can help to change your perspective on missing out. Staying present is going to help with multiple things. First, you chose to prioritize yourself and your well-being, so engaging in the fear contradicts what you were trying to do in the first place. The next thing it will help with is being present in whatever you are doing. Maybe it’s taking a social media break, and that can be very beneficial in not looking at your friend’s Snapchat or Instagram stories, which gives into the FOMO. Reducing social media usage on these occasions can be very useful to one’s well-being and can help reduce a trigger.
Make a schedule that works for you.
When planning for weeks during the summertime, it can be hard to balance everyone’s vacations, weekend trips, and downtime schedules. When planning weekends, consider how much you are committing to and how much you can handle at once. Mixing social plans and solo activities will help reduce stress for yourself when the social plans arrive and help to give you downtime when you may not even realize you need it. The balance between social and solo activities will help you enjoy your weekends more. Flexibility is very important in planning as well because you may not feel up for plans that you made, which can feel very anxiety-provoking and draining.
Life is unpredictable, and plans can change from one hour to another or one day or week to the next. Be open to adjusting your schedule, as you may need that downtime when your friend cancels on you because of a work commitment and vice versa. An article in nurtured well states, “Less is more. With so much going on in the world, it is easy to get overwhelmed. This summer, simplify your life by saying “no” to commitments that don’t bring you joy. If you’re not looking forward to that cookout or beach trip with friends, there’s no shame in declining the invitation. You’ll be much happier spending your precious free time doing things that you actually enjoy.”
Check-in with yourself
You are allowed to change your mind at any moment in time if you want to have plans! As you go through the summer days, assess how you feel about being social and going out versus staying in and having time to yourself. If you feel like you need to be doing more, personally or socially, you can reassess at any time! Adjusting yourself will allow you to ensure you are making the right decisions regarding your priorities, well-being, and personal goals. An article from UT Southwestern Medical Center states, “The ultimate goal is to strike a balance between time with others and time for yourself. Both are essential for a fulfilling, healthy life. Social interactions provide support, love, and a sense of belonging, while solitude offers introspection, personal growth, and rejuvenation. By prioritizing both, you create a well-rounded approach to well-being that nourishes every part of your life.”
Make yourself a priority. When saying no to people and plans, it doesn’t mean you will miss it. It means you are making good choices for YOU and your health and wellness! By understanding your priorities, you can go a long way in feeling the fear of missing out and putting yourself first. Engaging in self-care activities is important, as is maintaining what you must do for yourself and allowing time and space. Being honest with yourself and others about what you need is important in prioritizing yourself. Dealing with the fear of missing out by making a schedule that works for you and is ideal for your life will go a long way. Lastly, checking in with yourself allows you to reassess your priorities and focus on the number one person in your life: you. Making yourself a priority is often not easy. With the help of the Manhattan Wellness therapists, you can take control of your life and what you need.
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