Grief has a way of changing our relationship with the world around us. While grief is often portrayed as something we eventually move past, the reality is much more complicated.
The Netflix romantic comedy Voicemails for Isabelle captures some of this complexity through Jill, a young woman navigating life in her twenties, after the death of her sister, Isabelle. Throughout their childhood and young adulthood, the sisters shared an especially close relationship. After Isabelle’s death, Jill continues leaving voicemails on her sister’s old phone number, communicating with her as though their conversations never stopped.
The movie’s portrayal of Jill’s grief offers a meaningful starting point for a larger conversation about loss, healing, and maintaining connections with the people we love. It shows us how healing doesn’t necessarily mean letting go, why grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and how to make space for both sadness and joy.
If you are struggling with grief or navigating a difficult life transition, you don’t have to go through it alone. At Manhattan Wellness, our therapists provide a supportive, nonjudgmental space to explore what you’re experiencing and find ways to move forward at your own pace.
1. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline
One of the most important things the film gets right is that grief doesn’t move in a straight line. Jill doesn’t suddenly feel better after a certain amount of time has passed. Her grief appears in unexpected moments, sometimes when she is doing something ordinary, like going on a date or navigating a difficult day at work.
Grief can look very different for everyone. Some people might feel relatively okay for several days before an unexpected reminder brings everything back. Sometimes feelings of sadness might emerge during a commute to work, a work meeting, or an event you would have once looked forward to. Feelings of guilt might even emerge for having a good day.
There is often an unspoken expectation that we should eventually return to our normal selves after losing someone. This can be especially challenging when there are pressures to keep performing at work, maintain busy social lives, and fulfill responsibilities at home. You may find yourself answering emails, attending meetings, and making weekend plans all while privately struggling to process a significant loss.
The truth is that there is no universal timeline for grief. People experience loss differently. Grief is not expected to unfold through predictable, sequential stages. Give yourself permission to experience grief without judging its timeline. Doing so can make the process feel less overwhelming.
2. You don’t have to let go to move forward
Even though her sister is no longer alive, Jill finds comfort in maintaining a connection through the familiar ritual of sharing her everyday experiences via voicemail.
This reflects an important concept in grief psychology known as continuing bonds. People can maintain an emotional connection with loved ones while continuing to build their own lives. This might look like keeping photographs around your apartment, cooking a family member’s favorite recipe, listening to a song that reminds you of someone, or continuing a tradition you once shared. It might also mean talking to a loved one in your thoughts, writing them letters, or telling stories about them to friends who never had the opportunity to meet them. Consider whether that activity brings you comfort, helps you feel connected, or allows you to honor something meaningful about your relationship.
Maintaining a connection doesn’t mean you are refusing to accept the loss. It can simply mean that the relationship remains an important part of your identity.
3. You can experience happiness and sadness at the same time
Another important aspect of Jill’s experience is the tension between wanting to move forward and feeling as though doing so means leaving Isabelle behind. As Jill begins opening herself up to new relationships and experiences, she must navigate the complicated emotions that can accompany allowing happiness back into her life.
Many people experience something similar after losing someone close to them. You might feel guilty laughing with friends, going on vacation, celebrating a promotion, or entering a new relationship. There may be an underlying belief that enjoying life somehow minimizes the significance of the person you lost. You might wonder how you can feel happy when someone you love is no longer here.
However, happiness and grief are not mutually exclusive. You can miss someone deeply while still enjoying your life. You can celebrate a milestone while wishing they were there to witness it. You can develop meaningful relationships with new people without replacing those lost.
It may help to reframe the idea of moving forward. Instead of thinking about it as leaving someone behind, consider how you can carry their memory with you. You do not have to choose between honoring someone you lost and allowing yourself to have a fulfilling life.
4. Grief can feel especially difficult during the holidays
As the holiday season approaches, Jill’s story is a particularly timely reminder that grief can become more noticeable during certain times of the year.
The holidays often come with expectations of togetherness, celebration, and family traditions. For someone who has experienced loss, these occasions can highlight the absence of someone who used to be part of those moments. Even if the loss happened years ago, familiar traditions can bring up unexpected emotions.
You may also experience pressure from family members to participate in traditions that no longer feel the same, or feel torn between wanting to celebrate and wanting to spend time alone.
A few ways to approach the holidays differently include:
- Give yourself permission to change traditions. Consider which traditions feel comforting and which ones might need to change.
- Create a meaningful ritual. Light a candle, prepare someone’s favorite dish, share a favorite memory, or set aside time to acknowledge the person you are missing.
- Communicate your needs. Let friends and family know if you would prefer a different celebration, need time to yourself, or would appreciate someone checking in.
- Make room for different emotions. You can enjoy parts of the holiday while still experiencing sadness. Neither feeling invalidates the other.
Planning ahead, setting boundaries, accepting support, and finding meaningful ways to remember loved ones can help make the season more manageable.
5. You don’t have to navigate grief alone
One thing Jill’s story also highlights is how isolating grief can become. Even when you have supportive friends and family, it can be difficult to explain exactly what you are experiencing. Sometimes, people don’t know what to say. Other times, they may assume you are doing better because you seem like yourself from the outside.
You might find yourself downplaying your feelings because you don’t want to make other people uncomfortable. You may avoid bringing up the loss because of a traumatic experience.
This is where allowing yourself to receive support can make a meaningful difference. Start by identifying someone with whom you feel comfortable being honest. Rather than expecting them to know what you need, try communicating directly. You might say, “I’m having a difficult week and don’t really want advice. Could we just spend some time together?” Other times, having a therapist support you in processing traumatic loss through trauma-informed care may be what you need.
Grief can also affect sleep, appetite, and motivation, so try to prioritize the basics. Build small routines that support your emotional and physical well-being. Take a walk, move your body in a way that feels good, spend time outside, or make plans that give you something to look forward to without overwhelming you.
Learning to Carry Grief With You
Grief is a natural response to loss, but that doesn’t mean you have to navigate it on your own. If your emotions begin interfering with your sleep, appetite, relationships, or ability to enjoy everyday life, therapy can provide a space to process what happened, explore complicated emotions, and develop coping strategies.
At Manhattan Wellness, our therapists understand that grief can affect every aspect of your life. Whether you are navigating a recent loss, approaching a difficult anniversary, or adjusting to a major life change, therapy can help you better reconnect with yourself.
Ultimately, what Voicemails for Isabelle gets right is that grief isn’t something we simply finish. Healing doesn’t mean stopping yourself from missing them or returning to who you were before the loss. It means gradually finding ways to make room for the memories, the difficult emotions, and the possibility of new experiences.
You don’t have to choose between honoring someone you lost and continuing to live your life. Sometimes, moving forward simply means finding new ways to carry them with you.
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