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Dating & Relationships
April 7, 2020
If you find yourself in a constant cycle of dating, committing, fighting and breaking up, you may be in the habit of attracting the wrong kind of partner. It’s time to stop, refocus and change your ways, so that you can start attracting the kind of person that’s healthy for you. Below are some steps to take, before you enter the dating pool, to help you re-center and consciously choose a person you can be happy with.
Take some time to think about what’s important to you. Get out a sheet of paper and make a list. What are your core values? Consider all aspects of your life, family, career, health, and relationships. Identifying your core values will allow you to start living in a way that honors your goals and dreams. Identify any limiting beliefs about yourself by writing down any old thoughts that you tell yourself. I’m not pretty. I need everyone to like me, etc. By identifying these patterns, you can release them and start telling yourself the opposite. You are pretty and you do deserve love Get rid of anything that is coming between you and these principles.
Everyone has things they need from a relationship, so don’t tell yourself that needing something is not okay. It’s perfectly normal. You may have needs for affection, commitment and open communication. Make a list. Think about a previous relationship where your needs were not met and how that felt. Becoming aware of what you require for happiness will help you keep these ideas in the forefront while dating. You’ll be able to recognize quicker when something isn’t meeting those needs and must change or go.
Do you always fall for the bad boy? Maybe you always end up with a person who’s beautiful on the outside, but not very nice on the inside. Or maybe you married your best friend who was really nice, but there was no physical spark. Figure out what your old attraction patterns have been, so that you can be aware of them. It’s not always something you have to avoid completely. For instance, if you like bad boys (or bad women) maybe it would be good to have elements of danger in a relationship, like a motorcycle. Watch out for unhealthy danger, like abuse or addictive behavior. By being aware of your old patterns, you can consciously choose someone who’s good for you, instead of falling back into unhealthy dynamics.
Now that you know your values and what you need, stop settling for anything that doesn’t meet these requirements. You’re only wasting your time and making yourself miserable by settling for something that doesn’t work for you. Stop telling yourself that you can’t find someone that fits your standards. They’re out there, you just have to know how to express what you need and be willing to walk away if it doesn’t work.
After you’ve fully considered each of the points above, make a plan about how you want to proceed and stick with it. If you find yourself falling back into old ways, stop and re-center before continuing forward. In this way, you’ll be able to find a relationship that completely works for you and makes you happy.
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