Sexual Compatibility vs. Sexual Attraction: Why the Difference Matters in Long-Term Love

Sexual attraction or sexual compatibility. Do you need both to make a relationship work? How? Sex is often seen as a strong desire, and the glue for intimacy and connection in relationships. WHen in reality, the glue may actually be sexual compatibility, which can help sustain a relationship. 

When one looks for more of a sexual attraction in a relationship, this can lead to a shorter relationship. It is important to understand the difference between attraction and compatibility. This matters in order to support each other’s comfort and satisfaction, which will in turn increase intimacy. 

There can be many different definitions to what sexual attraction is. In reality, this is the initial, “love at first sight”, pulled toward somebody else. This can develop immediately, or start as an emotional connection. This is something that triggers your adrenaline, and may cause you to get a bit obsessed. Also, this may not always be the most logical choice, and doesn’t guarantee a long-term relationship. Sometimes, it is hard to explain why we have this attraction to someone. Is this enough to sustain a long term relationship? Unfortunately no, it is not. Sexual compatibility plays a large role in relationship sustainability. 

Sexual compatibility is when both partners’ needs, values and preferences come together and align. This takes open communication, and understanding for each other’s preferences, likes and dislikes. This can look like the willingness to try new things, being able to communicate your comfort level, matching sex drives and communication styles and desires, while making sure there is respect for boundaries always. The key difference between attraction and compatibility may be misunderstood. This is that compatibility takes time and patience, and is not immediate. Putting effort and time into this relationship can turn this into something that lasts and is fulfilling. 

This may not seem like a big difference, but it does matter in long-term relationships to know the difference. Attraction may fade, but compatibility is something that lasts. Something that is built on deep communication, trust and respect is something that keeps the spark alive, even while bodies age and shift. 

It is important to understand that compatibility allows emotional intimacy to grow. It is something special and unique when two people can talk about intimacy so in depth, and be open and honest. 

It is important to be able to tell the difference between these two terms.  Some signs of strong sexual attraction may be intense chemistry early on in a relationship, a sense of obsession, and craving closeness from this person . On the other hand,  signs of sexual compatibility are being able to prioritize each other’s comfort levels and likes, you can get past something awkward in the bedroom, and you feel safe to talk openly and try new things together. A long lasting relationship is built on compatibility. 

The good news is, compatibility can be developed over time. Make sure both partners are able to safely talk openly with one another, making sure both needs are heard. Constantly and consistently checking in with one another is so important, especially without judgement. 

It can be so helpful to learn your partners’ love language. This can promote sexual compatibility, and allow each other to feel more in tune to your relationship. It can also be helpful; to explore and learn new things with one another. THis is a way to deepen both of your connections to one another. Lastly, regular check-ins are helpful for all couples, asking what is working for you both, or what may not be. THis is a place for safe and open conversations, this way you can be your best self for your partner, and compatibility will increase. 

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