Living in a bustling city like New York City makes it hard to have time and the space to communicate with people in person. Arguably, the art of communicating is becoming lost. Texting offers a quick, easy way to start a conversation with someone without the pressure of an in-person meeting. Today, couples frequently meet, flirt, and go on great dates, only to end up watching their seamless text exchanges slow down to a crawl. After that the following relatable scene occurs: You are staring at your phone for hours waiting for a response. You check it at work, in between meetings, when you’re with your friends, or before bed. You are waiting anxiously for a text message or for the three typing dots to pop up. You begin to wonder and eventually spiral, waiting for a response back.
You are far from alone in this spiral and experience. According to recent research highlights, approximately 31 percent of people indicate that texting creates a prominent source of daily anxiety.
Dopamine & Texting:
This digital silence doesn’t just stress us out; it actually hijacks our brain chemistry. When we wait for a reply, our brains release dopamine. Dopamine is the hormone tied to anticipation and reward. When we receive a text especially from someone we like, our dopamine increases. Because we don’t know when the text will arrive, our brains stay trapped in a compulsive loop, constantly seeking that next chemical hit. When the screen stays blank, our dopamine levels plummet, leaving us feeling anxious and restless.
Attachment Styles and Texting:
There are four different attachment styles that all contribute to the ways we communicate with others.
Anxious:
- People with anxious attachment styles are more likely to text multiple times if they are not being answered promptly.
Avoidant:
- People with avoidant attachment styles love their hyper-independence. They will answer your texts eventually, however, it will probably be a few days after you send it.
Fearful-avoidant (Disorganized:
- People with fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment will experience this push-pull tactic. They crave closeness, but are extremely fearful of it. They can respond like an anxious person some days and an avoidant person on others.
Secure:
- People with secure attachment communicate in effective, consistent ways with clear intentions, open/direct communication, without overanalyzing messages.
3 Ways to Reclaim Your Peace of Mind:
1. Stop decoding messages:
Dating requires open, direct communication from both parties. If you have to decode every message and you have to keep asking yourself if this is hard or worth it, then you should reconsider the relationship. Relationships are difficult and take effort, however, with the right partner, communication should be relatively easy and should not require a dictionary to decipher between the lines.
2. Clarify if you do not understand something:
Everyone has different styles of communication. This means that the way you communicate will not necessarily align with your partner’s. If you text them something and they respond in a way that you do not understand, or can have multiple meanings ask them. Although our first response is to overthink what they said, think if you said something wrong, and put yourself in their shoes, all of this will lead you down a rabbit hole. Instead, simply ask what they meant. Even if it does not align with how you would have responded, being direct and asking them will remove some of the anxiety when it comes to texting.
3. Communicate in Person or Phone Call:
Texting can cause miscommunication, because everyone texts differently and you can only base off how their response is based on words. In contrast, communication in-person has more variables besides words like tone and body language which allows us to communicate more effectively. That gets lost when only communicating through text. Try to communicate with your partner, especially when it comes to serious matters and/or conflicts, through in-person conversations. If you cannot meet in person, try to communicate through phone calls or video chats. That way, you will at least be able to hear their tone of voice and body language, easing the texting anxiety and allowing clear, direct communication to happen.
When to Seek Support
If you have caught yourself overthinking text messages, getting anxious about dating, and stressing about your partner’s communication, you are in the right place. Therapy can provide a supportive space to support yourself overthinking, build confidence, develop healthy relationship expectations, and create boundaries that protect your emotional well-being. At Manhattan Wellness, our therapists excel at guiding you through anxiety, dating & relationships, confidence, and finding what works for you.
THERAPY SERVICES FOR ANXIETY WE OFFER IN MANHATTAN & BROOKLYN, NEW YORK
The truth is, there’s no single or one-size-fits-all approach to anxiety treatment. Everyone has a different approach to managing anxiety and anxious thoughts. That is why it’s important to get clear on what works for you. Once you have a better understanding of yourself and your values, you can start designing your life based on the things that are most important to you.
Therapy for women in Manhattan and Brooklyn is a great way to figure out how to manage your anxious mind. At Manhattan Wellness, we will provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and goals. So you can find clarity on what you want for yourself. We will pair your vulnerability with our empathy and encouragement. Then together we will uncover the key elements that will take you from where you are now to where you want to be. If you are ready to make the changes you want in your life:
- Submit a Contact Form or Email Us at hello@manhattanwellness.org
- Learn More About Our Team of Female Therapists and Our Areas of Expertise
- Let’s Talk About How We Can Help You Feel Empowered & Ready To Take The Next Step.
We believe that you have the power within yourself to make the changes you want and find your version of success. Our female therapists are here to support you in navigating this journey. Allowing you to reclaim your identity and take control of your life. Thus allowing you to create the future you’ve been dreaming of.
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES OFFERED IN MANHATTAN, WESTCHESTER BROOKLYN, & THROUGHOUT NEW YORK
At Manhattan Wellness, our therapists are here to support you in navigating this journey and reclaiming your identity. So you can take control of your life and create the future you’ve been dreaming of. This is why we offer a variety of services to ensure you get the support, care, and guidance necessary. The therapy services we offer are Therapy for Maternal Mental Health, Self-Esteem Counseling, and Anxiety Treatment. Along with Dating/Relationship Counseling, Counseling for College Students, and more. Feel as if you are not living the life you deserve? Let’s talk about it.