Career, stable relationships, social life, maybe even the “perfect home.” On paper, it seems like you’re thriving, people compliment you on how you have it “all together.” Yet, still, no matter how perfect it may seem, you don’t have that spark. When you achieve a huge milestone, there’s no pride, instead, there’s a heavy feeling in your heart, that makes your life feel as if it is slipping away through your fingers.
Feeling guilty for feeling “okay” instead of “happy” when happiness feels like the only emotion you should feel, that’s okay. This disconnect between the “picture-perfect” lifestyle and the emptiness is a common experience that many people try therapy for.
High Functioning Flatness
The guilt might come from the fact a “flat” life doesn’t always look like a crisis. In reality, it can actually look like high-level productivity. You’re getting your work done, showing up for your family; you’re checking all the boxes that would make it seem like you are okay. But internally, you don’t feel okay. Your emotions have been dimmed to a dull hum.
This is a form of dissociation, where our minds unconsciously disconnect from our actions, our thoughts, and our sensory experiences. Think about it this way: our brain is taking a step away from chaos to help you manage when life seems like “too much.”
Why Does This Happen?
It can look like a paradox: why does life with so much feel like nothing? In reality, there are many reasons why life might seem as if it’s losing color. You could be flooded with stress, anxiety, or pressure to perform from work or school. This leads your nervous system to become overloaded. To protect yourself, your brain subconsciously shuts down emotional processing to keep yourself functioning, so you don’t have to confront your emotions.
This also is prone to happening to high achievers. High achievers often love external validation, doing what they should do rather than what their values tell them to do. If your choices are usually driven by others’ expectations, your values could fade, making your internal self stop showing up for the experience.
Micro-Stress
Traffic on our way to work, constant work notifications, minor conflicts that occur frequently are all examples of microstressors. These are stressors that may be small at first, but build up over time. These can be detrimental to your physical and emotional health, and limits your capacity. You don’t need a single traumatic event to feel numb or feel as if you need help. Prolonged stress or grief can gradually lead the brain into “numbing mode.”
If you’re pushing down difficult feelings to “keep it together,” you unintentionally dampen your capacity for the positive emotions as well.
What “Flatness” Can Feel Like in Daily Life
A friend’s wedding or a personal accomplishment happens. You know you should be happy, but it isn’t there. Flatness can appear in ways like that. It can also appear with a distorted sense of time, sitting at your desk or scrolling through your phone, hardly noticing how time is slipping away. You could start isolating yourself from hanging out with loved ones, declining invitations, even stopping hobbies. Not because you’re busy, but because you’re tired of putting on an emotion that you don’t feel.
The Risks of Staying Numb
The biggest risk of staying numb for too long can be an increase in impulsive behaviors. You could potentially be seeking high-risks situations just to break through a mental fog.
Getting Out Of the Mental Fog
The first step is always acknowledging it. By acknowledging your flatness, you decrease its power. Accept the feeling without any judgement. “Forcing” emotions can often intensify numbness.
Ground yourself as well. Be in the present moment! Make sure to take a deep breath and be where your feet are. Take a second to also have mindful breathing. Take deep, slow breaths, to calm your nervous system and signal to your brain that it is safe to “come back”
Gently get out of the mental fog through a short walk, or light stretching to increase circulation and release endorphins.
Lastly, reach out. Manhattan Wellness is here to help with your journey to get color back into your life. If you find yourself being unable to complete your daily routines, missing work, or engaging in unusual behavior to feel a spark, Manhattan Wellness is here. Therapy offers a safe space to explore the underlying causes, ranging from burnout, high-functioning depression, or unprocessed stress.
Life shouldn’t look “full” to everyone else, it should feel meaningful to you.
THERAPY SERVICES FOR DEPRESSION WE OFFER IN MANHATTAN & BROOKLYN, NEW YORK
Ready to break free from negative thoughts and live the life you’ve always wanted? Start therapy for depression in Manhattan, Brooklyn, or anywhere in New York with Manhattan Wellness. Embrace a transformative journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Get support in creating empowering habits, using positive language, and appreciating your uniqueness. Follow these steps to get started:
- Contact Manhattan Wellness today or email us at hello@manhattanwellness.org
- Schedule your first appointment with one of our Manhattan therapists
- Embark on this empowering path to a confident, happier you
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES OFFERED IN MANHATTAN, BROOKLYN, & THROUGHOUT NEW YORK
Our therapists recognize that discovering your “enough” is a journey. And it can become even more complex when the inner critic interferes, giving rise to additional challenges. We provide a range of services to ensure you receive the essential support, care, and guidance to achieve your goals. Our offerings include specialized support for women, anxiety treatment, and dating therapy. Along with services for college students, maternal mental health, body image therapy, and much more. If you feel dissatisfied with your current life and are seeking meaningful changes, let’s have a conversation about it.
