You’ve met someone great, or maybe, you’re finally reached a level of depth in a friendship, one that’s fulfilling and what you’ve wanted for years. Everything is going well, until, there’s a feeling that isn’t. You start finding flaws that you didn’t notice until last week. You stop responding to texts, pick a fight over something insignificant, or you simply shut down.
If you have this habit of retreating when you feel your walls coming down, don’t label yourself as “broken” or “cold.” Pushing people away isn’t always about the other person, it’s usually a survival mechanism known as Avoidant Attachment style.
What is the Avoidant Attachment Style?
An avoidant attachment style is a pattern where a person steers away from emotional closeness and minimizes the importance of a relationship with vulnerability. It isn’t a lack of desire for an authentic connection, but is a way for a person to protect themselves emotionally.
People who identify with the avoidant attachment style might usually be susceptible to thinking others are unreliable, dishonest, or “too needy,” leading them to believe that they don’t need support from others.
“Pushing”
This attachment style doesn’t come out of nowhere. It usually comes as a result of emotional neglect in early childhood. Asking for comfort might have approached with a mentality that you need to “be tough,” and you should only rely on yourself. Avoidance and withdrawal subconsciously becomes a primary strategy to protect oneself from experiencing rejection.
Feeling “Safer” When Alone
For many people, being “known” can feel very intimate and feels uncomfortable. If you find yourself in this pattern, you value independence and self-sufficiency, and you might think that you don’t know how to sustain closer emotional relationships or that you don’t want to depend on others.
You might feel this way, but there are ways to break these patterns and thoughts that prevent you from taking in everything by yourself. Being vulnerable with others is a strength and will ultimately help your relationships grow and flourish.
Strategies to Overcome
Don’t actively suppress your negative emotions. Negative emotions are part of who we are and we all are prone to our moments. Nobody is perfect.
How to Stay Staying Close
Identify the trigger. When do you start to pull back? Is it after a compliment or a deep conversation? If you pinpoint the moment of discomfort it helps label the fear rather than setting it as reality.
Challenge the narrative. Remind yourself that human connection is normal, not a sign of weakness. Human connection is what we strive for.
Remind yourself that vulnerability doesn’t have to be big. You can explore sharing little pieces of yourself, such as “I don’t feel good today,” rather than disappearing. Honesty is something that is heavily appreciated and people would rather help you than see you leave.
If you find yourself constantly building the walls as someone enters, don’t worry. As an adult, these walls might prevent you from unlocking your full potential. Know that you deserve a relationship where you can be both independent and deeply loved. You deserve to be known, and you deserve to stay.
THERAPY SERVICES FOR ANXIETY WE OFFER IN MANHATTAN & BROOKLYN, NEW YORK
The truth is, there’s no single or one-size-fits-all approach to anxiety treatment. Everyone has a different approach to managing anxiety and anxious thoughts. That is why it’s important to get clear on what works for you. Once you have a better understanding of yourself and your values, you can start designing your life based on the things that are most important to you.
Therapy for women in Manhattan and Brooklyn is a great way to figure out how to manage your anxious mind. At Manhattan Wellness, we will provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and goals. So you can find clarity on what you want for yourself. We will pair your vulnerability with our empathy and encouragement. Then together we will uncover the key elements that will take you from where you are now to where you want to be. If you are ready to make the changes you want in your life:
- Submit a Contact Form or Email Us at hello@manhattanwellness.org
- Learn More About Our Team of Female Therapists and Our Areas of Expertise
- Let’s Talk About How We Can Help You Feel Empowered & Ready To Take The Next Step.
We believe that you have the power within yourself to make the changes you want and find your version of success. Our female therapists are here to support you in navigating this journey. Allowing you to reclaim your identity and take control of your life. Thus allowing you to create the future you’ve been dreaming of.
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES OFFERED IN MANHATTAN, WESTCHESTER BROOKLYN, & THROUGHOUT NEW YORK
At Manhattan Wellness, our therapists are here to support you in navigating this journey and reclaiming your identity. So you can take control of your life and create the future you’ve been dreaming of. This is why we offer a variety of services to ensure you get the support, care, and guidance necessary. The therapy services we offer are Therapy for Maternal Mental Health, Self-Esteem Counseling, and Anxiety Treatment. Along with Dating/Relationship Counseling, Counseling for College Students, and more. Feel as if you are not living the life you deserve? Let’s talk about it.
