Is It Me or the Relationship? How to Tell If Your Insecurities Are Rooted in Reality

Have you ever had the thought asking yourself, “is something actually wrong or am I just over thinking?”. This is a very normal question that most people ask themselves when they are in a relationship. This can look like repeating old conversations in your head, or debating looking through your partner’s phone. Is this normal?

It can be difficult to understand whether your insecure thoughts are rooted from your history, and possible own internal struggles, or are they actually a response to what is going on in your current relationship. It is hard to tell the difference. But this difference can be really important for one’s overall well being. And of course, the health of your relationship. 

Let’s talk about insecurities. It is normal to have them. Every human has something they are insecure about. These can come from previous experiences, previous relationships, or childhood trauma. THis is what makes you human in your relationship. When did we start wanting to take the human part out of a relationship? THe most important thing to figure out is are your partners behaviors bringing up real problems, or is this stemming from fears based on patterns? The first step is recognizing if these insecurities fill up every aspect of your mind and connection with your significant other. 

Something that may help you to determine this answer can be if your past keeps coming up in your current relationship. If these worries or fears that come up are similar to those that happened in previous relationships, this can be rooted through past trauma, rather than something in this current relationship. A question to ask yourself can be have I felt this way in other relationships? Is this my reaction to this current situation or to my past?

Reassurance is not always a bad thing. Everyone wants to feel loved. This may be something to look out for if you are constantly asking your partner for this reassurance. This can be about validation, their love for you, where they are going. Which can give you a better idea that this issue may be rooted from the past and inward. A partner should always offer reassurance, but if this is a constant thought it may be helpful to dive inwards. Ask yourself, would I still feel  so anxious even if my partner didn’t do anything wrong? Why do I feel so unworthy of commitment? 

On the other hand, it is time to look at more of a current relationship lens. Something to think about may be, if you find your partner keeps things from you, and doesn’t take much responsibility. This may be one’s natural response to your partner’s behavior. It is a normal human response to feel off when your sense of safety is jeopardized or triggered. This may be a gut feeling, and an oral reaction even if you are a “secure person”. A question you can ask yourself can be: Has my partner shown up for me in their actions? Have my needs been met or ignored?

Something else that may make you realize that your insecurities can be coming from your current relationship is emotional instability. Do you only feel insecure in your relationship? Do you feel this way anywhere else? The answer is that you only have this insecure feeling in your relationship, then this current relationship may be causing emotional instability. If you are someone who is confident in your other friendships, work in other hobbies, but not good enough in your relationship with your partner, this is definitely worth looking into. Are you your best self in this relationship? Or other aspects in life?

Are you constantly questioning your own decisions? Do you catch yourself over apologizing? Are you like this in this current relationship, or other aspects of life? If only in this romantic relationship, then this relationship may be bringing you down. It is important to ask yourself if you feel understood and heard by your partner. It is important to feel that you don’t have to hold anything back and can be open with them. 

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If the journey of being a happy, single person feels challenging, seeking professional support can be a valuable resource. Therapists are trained to help individuals navigate their emotions, explore personal goals, and develop strategies for finding fulfillment. Through therapy, you can gain insights into patterns of thinking and behavior, identify areas for growth and receive guidance on building a positive and meaningful life.

Our society often prioritizes romantic relationships, but learning how to be happy as a single person is a powerful and transformative journey. It’s a time for self-reflection, personal growth and the cultivation of genuine happiness that comes from within. By embracing solitude, practicing self-love, building meaningful connections and setting personal goals, you can navigate the single life with confidence. Remember that being single is not a state of lack but an opportunity for fulfillment. Embrace your journey, focus on your well-being and fall in love with yourself!

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