Choosing to start a family is an exciting moment, one that is full of hope and promise, and daydreams about the future with your new expanded family. And then you get pregnant, and that new family starts to become more real in your mind, and all that excitement and future planning goes into high gear. Unfortunately, this is not where all stories end – while we hear so much about the exciting and happy stories about pregnancy and childbirth, this is not the end result for all women and their families. According to The Mayo Clinic, up to 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, which is to say nothing of all the pregnancies that end before they’ve been detected. Despite how common miscarriages actually are, suffering a miscarriage is often a deeply painful and deeply personal experience. And yet, life doesn’t stop, and so you are also faced with navigating how to process this loss and the negative emotions it stills up while carrying on with other life responsibilities, particularly those at work, a place where people often avoid even discussing health issues when they can.
How to navigate these sorts of challenges can be quite hard – and we at Manhattan Wellness are here to help you, with providers who can provide support and guidance to help you decide what to do next. In particular, you may need to share about your miscarriage at work, but this is a sensitive personal topic that may be very difficult to discuss. Here are some things to think about when you consider talking with your employer about a miscarriage.
- Put work into perspective
Work is important, but so is your mental health. While you are not feeling your best, it’s crucial that you take care of yourself, and focus on how to balance your personal needs with your professional demands. You are likely experiencing a lot of different and challenging emotions – remember that by taking care of yourself you are also taking care of your ability to contribute to your workplace in the long term.
- Decide if you need to talk to your employer about your miscarriage, and who specifically to talk to about about it
Talking to your boss about a miscarriage may feel like a particularly difficult conversation to have, especially if you have not even announced your pregnancy yet. You can decide if this is something you want to share at work, and if so, whom to talk about it with. If you are not comfortable speaking with your boss, consider reaching out to an HR representative first to get support for that conversation and learn more about your options.
- Choose the right means of communication
If you feel that speaking directly with your boss or HR is going to be too emotional or otherwise challenging, you may want to consider reaching out using a different means of communication. A thoughtfully written email may be a more comfortable way for you to share the key information with your employer. You can also consider how text, videoconference or phone calls can be used as communication options, for things like providing updates, if needed, after the initial conversation. Ultimately, share information in a way that is going to feel the best for you, while still getting the details to the people who need them.
- Plan out what you want to say
You may feel some nerves during the conversation, so if you’re going to talk to your boss or HR about your miscarriage, it’s a good idea to think through what you want to share before you begin the formal conversation. Consider writing down notes to help you remember key points during the discussion. If you are asking for something, or wanting something from the company as part of your conversation, make sure you are clear on the terms that you are hoping for ahead of starting the meeting.
- Consider taking time off
A miscarriage is something that is hard on you both physically and mentally. It is completely reasonable to need some time away from work to heal, and in many cases can be more beneficial than trying to push through in an environment that is causing you more stress. It’s not always possible to take a break, but speak to people at your workplace if you think that you need this time, to ensure that you are able to heal and work towards getting back to your best self.
- Ensure you have strong support
Therapy can be helpful at all stages of your fertility journey, but especially when you are facing hurdles along the way, such as in the wake of a miscarriage. Whether you need help planning how to approach this conversation with your workplace, or need some additional support to get back to feeling ready for work, help from a therapist can help you figure out how to move forward, in a supportive and caring environment.
While these conversations with your boss or employer about your miscarriage can be hard, they are often necessary, as a way for you to get the time and space for self-care as you grieve your loss. This is a time when you’re experiencing big and difficult feelings, many of them conflicting. It’s not unusual to be angry, sad, and so many other things. And you do not need to face these challenges alone. Your workplace understanding what you are going through is a piece of the puzzle, but there is so much more for you to process during this time, and you don’t need to do it alone.
At Manhattan Wellness, we are here to help you navigate the challenges with your fertility, such as processing your miscarriage, navigating tough conversations like those with your employer, and talking about if and when you want to resume your fertility journey. If you are interested in therapy for your maternal mental health or couples therapy to help keep your relationship strong:
- Submit a Contact Form or Email us at hello@manhattanwellness.org
- Learn More About Our Team and Our Areas of Expertise
- Prioritize Your Maternal Mental Health
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES AT MANHATTAN WELLNESS IN MANHATTAN, WESTCHESTER, BROOKLYN & THROUGHOUT NEW YORK
Our therapists understand that with becoming a new mother, there can be a variety of different needs that arise. Apart from helping you navigate the fourth trimester and maternal mental health, our therapists also offer a variety of services to cater to your individual needs. The therapy services we offer are Anxiety Treatment, Therapy for Depression, Stress Management, and Therapy for Women. As well as Therapy for Self-Esteem, support for, body image therapy, and so much more. Do you feel like you’re not living the life you want and need to make changes? Let’s talk about it.
