Have you ever felt like you’re watching your own life from the sidelines? You’re in the room, nodding at the correct times, completing the tasks on your to-do list, but there’s a separation between you and the world around you. The things that used to ignite a passion in you no longer feel the same way. Instead, they feel black and white, lacking color in your memories.
If this sounds familiar, there is a way out. You are likely experiencing emotional numbness. It’s a state where your thoughts have been turned all the way down, decreasing your “internal” volume. It’s your brain’s way of protecting you from emotions that you haven’t fully processed yet. If you’ve been living in this grey space for a while, understanding why and how to get out of it can be the first step toward inviting color back into your life.
What Triggers Emotional Numbness?
Emotional numbness serves as a protection mechanism and it can happen when you’re overwhelmed, stressed, or traumatized. It’s a common reaction in humans, similar to fight or flight. Numbness can be just the lack of feeling.
If your brain experiences too much stress, grief, or overwhelming trauma, your brain can make you feel numb to prevent burning out. This is also very similar to the Fight Flight Freeze response. Your nervous system decides that freezing is the best option to deal with the emotions you are facing.
Common triggers can include chronic stress: living in a state of “high alert” for long periods of time can be a lot on your body long term.
Unprocessed trauma: from shutting down emotions from a painful event
Burnout: When your output exceeds your input for too long, you mind may simply stop “registering” new demands to save energy.
What does it feel like?
It can feel like you’re struggling to feel connected to things and people you care about, losing interest in things that you used to find joy. You could be getting 10 hours of sleep, but still feel so physically fatigued; your body is working overtime to protect yourself from emotions that you may not have fully processed.
1. Disconnection
You find it difficult to feel connected to the people that you care about the most. This can lead to guilt, which can unintentionally push you further into isolation.
2. Fatigue
It can be very frustrating, but it’s normal. You can feel you’ve just ran a marathon even though you just woke up. Numbness is exhausting. Your body is working overtime, using massive amounts of energy to maintain that protective wall.
3. Gap in joy
Activities that you used to go to when you felt down no longer feel the same. It doesn’t relax you like it used to.
Steps to Start Feeling Again
Just like how the snow after a storm takes time to melt, so does the thawing of our “freeze” state.
- Body Scanning: find a quiet place to lie down. Close your eyes and find where you find tension. It can be a tightness in your jaw, heaviness in your shoulder. Identify it and look for sensations, not feelings.
- Expand your Emotional Vocabulary: Naming a feeling lessens its power to overwhelm you and gives your brain a map to follow.
- Be Kind To Yourself: It is important to remember that coming back to yourself isn’t a straight line. You will have days where you feel “awake” and connected, followed by days where the fog rolls back in. This isn’t a failure; it’s your brain checking to see if it’s still safe to be open.
Sometimes, the “ice” is too thick to melt on your own, especially if the numbness is rooted in deep trauma or clinical depression. A therapist can provide a safe “container” for these feelings. In therapy, we work at your pace, ensuring that as you start to feel again, you have the tools to process those emotions so they don’t become overwhelming.
If you are tired of living on the sidelines, know that the passion and connection you miss aren’t gone—they are just waiting for the “all clear” signal. You deserve to feel the full spectrum of your life again.
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