Historically, vulnerability has been seen as a weakness or a flaw. Showing that side of yourself has been looked down upon. Especially nowadays, social media has been a vessel into tricking people into thinking only our “highlights” are shown, making us feel as if we have to hide the “messy” part of ourselves. We go to our phone, see everyone in their big friend groups, loving relationships, and luxurious vacations. We see this everyday, feeding more and more into the idea that our “messy” self is supposed to be hidden, and not wanted. However, this doesn’t translate to real life. In relationships in specific, vulnerability can feel as if it’s the “unloveable” part, that side of ourselves that can’t be shown to others. All of us have these complex emotions. What is the source of this uneasy feeling from something that all of us have?
Vulnerability comes with complex emotions, therefore we may feel as if we would be judged for being too emotional. Social exposure to our nervous systems can present itself as a physical threat. However, this fear and judgement is what causes vulnerability to feel forbidden and force us to build a shield from others. Blocking vulnerability is also our unconscious way of preventing negative emotions like embarrassment, sadness, and shame. These emotions are usually what we don’t want to discuss, and pretend they do not exist. In reality, however, these emotions are all intersected with love as well. Love comes with all these deep and negative emotions, because it builds true connections and relationships. Vulnerability comes with the comfort that we crave, that we are seen fully and loved fully.
Conclusion
It’s hard to come to this conclusion, but failing and weakness are not synonymous with vulnerability. However, it does come with risk and taking a chance. Start with stating how you feel with a loved one, opening up to them. Ask for help, be accountable for your mistakes and grow from them, try something new. Allow yourself to say “I’m not sure,” instead of pretending you have everything under control. Don’t be afraid to fall short, because if you do, don’t worry—it’s just human. Vulnerability isn’t just in relationships, it also comes with our own acceptance to learn and grow.
Vulnerability is synonymous with honesty, empathy, and rawness. By expressing vulnerability, no one is questioning your capabilities, it’s about your authenticity and your honesty.
Vulnerability is not saying whatever you want to say and oversharing a concerning amount. It doesn’t have to start by immediately sharing your deepest secrets with someone. It can start with admitting that you aren’t sure about something. It’s about opening up to people who earned your trust; who you feel comfortable sharing the honest and open side of you. Allow yourself to break down those invisible walls that prevented people from finding out the “real you” in the fear they wouldn’t accept you. Your true and authentic self will be accepted wholly from ones who love you.
You can start with being vulnerable with yourself. Pick up that instrument you’ve been trying to learn for the past couple of months. Allow yourself to mess up and play that wrong note. Write in that journal and express how you’re feeling. Unlock that underlying emotion that has been bothering you that past week. By allowing yourself to grow and learn more about your emotions, you can be present and open in the different relationships in your life—both romantic and platonic. The best place to start is to define your emotion, recognize when it is heightened, and understand vulnerability.
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