How To Handle Your Friends Getting Pregnant When You Just Had a Miscarriage

I am sorry you are going through this right now, all of these emotions are valid and you are completely entitled to every feeling you are experiencing currently. Scared, anxious, jealous, upset, mad, frustrated. Those are all common feelings, just know you are not alone and we are right here with you. It’s important during this time to give yourself the grace to feel all of these feelings and not judge yourself for it. Talking with a therapist will provide a safe space to express all of these feelings in a nonjudgmental and helpful way. Navigating this difficult time is especially hard when having to also navigate friends going through pregnancy, grieving and jealousy. 

Firstly, we want you to acknowledge your feelings! It is completely normal to be feeling all these feelings and having a hard time being happy for your friend after you just went through this time. 

Validate your emotions

Feeling a mix of emotions is completely ok. On one hand you want to feel happy for your friend, but on the other you are having trouble because you are feeling sadness, jealousy or even anger with yourself. These are completely normal feelings and validating yourself can make all the difference. If you don’t allow yourself to feel, it can be even more difficult for yourself to process these emotions as it is. 

Be kind to yourself 

Giving yourself permission right now and all of the times to come to grieve and experience these emotions without the heavy guilt is so important. It is okay not to be super happy for your friend being pregnant after you just went through a miscarriage and are grieving. It is okay to feel upset and not happy for your friend even though you think you should be. It is okay to feel any feelings, you are entitled to them! Being kind to yourself is one of the most important things you can do while experiencing grief. An article in Scary Mommy states, “And all that sadness and happiness, frustrations and gratitude can coexist. So give your friends going through hard times grace. I promise they are happy for you, but they are also sad for themselves. And that’s okay,” she wrote.

Secondly, communicate your needs to anyone you need whether that be family members asking a million questions, or friends in this instance, especially the ones going through pregnancy. 

Be Honest 

If and when you are feeling comfortable enough, you are allowed to explain to your friends what you are going through and how you are feeling! Gently explaining what you are going through will help you and them understand what you may need or not need from them right now and in the future. They may be more supportive and understanding about what you are experiencing if they know your situation and your feelings. If you don’t get a good vibe from specific people that are not allowing you to be your true self, they may not have a place right now in your life and that is okay. Being open and honest is very important in a time like this. An article by sheknows said, “Explain why you are not going to be around and why. It is always good to express how much you love her and how excited you are for her, but there are some things you have to sort through before you can become more involved.” 

Set Boundaries 

Boundary setting is so important to be able to maintain your mental health and relationship with yourself and others. It is okay to take a step back from friends that either have babies, are pregnant, or talking about pregnancy constantly. These conversations may be too painful for you right now and that is completely okay and normal, being able to set boundaries with others is especially important. An article in Motherly shared that some people will say thoughtless things during this time. It is YOUR responsibility to set boundaries with people that are not respectful of you during this time and may say things that can hurt you. 

Most importantly, take care of yourself! Taking care of yourself during this unexpected time is very important. 

Practice self-care

Do activities that you find comforting and soothing to your body and mind as you are going through this unpredictable time in your life. Whether that is reading a feel good book, exercising by going for a walk and listening to music or a podcast, or spending time with people and loved ones who just want to be there for you and sometimes sit in silence if that is what you need from them that day. Journaling can be a very helpful use of time to write about your feelings and process certain emotions. Meditation and mindfulness can also be helpful to manage difficult emotions and allow these practices to help you stay grounded in your body.

Focus on YOU and your well-being

Prioritize yourself and focus on your physical and emotional well-being by being rested properly, adequately fed and being mindful of yourself and your body. Celebrate in your own time and give yourself time to grieve the loss you just experienced. You don’t have to force yourself to feel happy for your friends immediately or at any point. Allow yourself to process all the feelings at your own pace and what feels best for you. Allow yourself to find joy in small moments. 

Everyone’s journey through grief and healing will look and feel different to yours. There is no right or wrong way to feel and no one will tell you what you should or should not feel. Take things one step at a time and reach out for support. Seeking Support by talking with a professional to express your feelings will help you develop different coping strategies and allow you to feel different emotions and experiences. Therapy can help you in this journey or fertility, pregnancy and grief all at the same time. 

1. Submit a contact form or email us at hello@manhattanwellness.org 
2. Learn more about our team and our areas of expertise being maternal mental health 
3. Begin your healing journey and allow yourself to grieve during this time

FIND CONFIDENCE AND NURTURE YOUR MATERNAL MENTAL HEALTH IN MANHATTAN, BROOKLYN, OR NEW YORK

At Manhattan Wellness, we understand that the fourth trimester is a time of transition and adjustment. From adjusting to your new identity as a mom to navigating infant and postpartum care, it can be an overwhelming process. One that no one prepared you for. That’s why our female therapists want to support you in prioritizing your maternal mental health during the fourth trimester. Let us help you take care of yourself so you can feel confident in your new role as a mom. If you are interested in therapy for your maternal mental health: 

1. Submit a Contact Form or Email Us at hello@manhattanwellness.org
2. Learn More About Our Team and Our Areas of Expertise
3. Prioritize Your Maternal Mental Health and Embrace the future!

OTHER THERAPY SERVICES AT MANHATTAN WELLNESS IN MANHATTAN, WESTCHESTER, BROOKLYN & THROUGHOUT NEW YORK

Our therapists understand that with becoming a new mother, there can be a variety of different needs that arise. Apart from helping you navigate the fourth trimester and maternal mental health, our therapists also offer a variety of services to cater to your individual needs. The therapy services we offer are Anxiety Treatment, Therapy for Depression, Stress Management, and Therapy for Women. As well as Therapy for Self-Esteem, support for, body image therapy, and so much more. Do you feel like you’re not living the life you want and need to make changes? Let’s talk about it.