the comparison catch: 4 reasons not to compare personal struggles

Experts say that human judgment is, by nature, comparative. When we evaluate situations, we do so in relation to our own norms and standards.  In this way, comparisons help us to create understanding and derive perspective.  Yet while comparisons are neurologically natural, they can also be hazardous, especially for these 4 reasons.

YOU ARE ENTITLED TO ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS ALL OF THE TIME

“How can you be upset about ____ when people have it worse with ____?” Comparative phrases like this erode emotional validation. You do not have to be grateful that things are not even worse for you. You are entitled to your feelings – whatever they are – and it is very important to acknowledge and not minimize those feelings.  In fact, avoiding your emotions can diminish your coping skills.

THERE IS NO HIERARCHY TO EMOTIONS

There is no ranking to feelings.  Nor is there medical evidence to suggest that pain is worse than grief or that loss is harder to overcome than fear.  Likewise, there is no right or wrong way to feel about something that happens in your life.  We feel 100% of our pain, fear, heartbreak etc., and there is no way to measure that against someone else’s experience.  We cannot compare responses to struggles because we cannot perceive how other individuals feel their own emotions.

CHALLENGES ARE NOT ONE SIZE FITS ALL

We are diverse, distinct, unique individuals who experience diverse, distinct and unique challenges. Vastly different backgrounds, families, relationships, lifestyles and occupations create vastly different issues. As a result, comparing challenges can be like comparing apples to oranges.

NEGATIVE SELF-TALK IS HARMFUL

Negative self-talk is inner dialogue that you have with yourself that can diminish your ability to make positive changes in your life or compromise your confidence to do so.  By comparing your struggle to someone else’s, you minimize the reality of what you are going through and the feelings that you’ve assigned to it.  

Self validation and compassion are much better tools than comparison to overcoming setbacks.   Recognizing that we are entitled to our feelings – each and every one of them at 100% –  and that we face incredibly different challenges can help us to grow through our difficult experiences with a more positive approach

FEEL MORE CONFIDENT WITH THERAPY FOR WOMEN IN BROOKLYN & MANHATTAN, NEW YORK

At Manhattan Wellness, we understand that with all the messages we receive from the world, it can be difficult to maintain a positive narrative about ourselves. From social media, movies, and even people close to us, it can be hard to drown out the negative. So much so that our inner critic takes over and we forget to show ourselves the same compassion as others. That’s why our female therapists want to support you in building the confidence you need to reach your highest potential. Let us help you create an empowering narrative that will benefit all aspects of your life, from personal to professional. If you are interested in beginning counseling for women:

1. Submit a Contact Form or Email Us at hello@manhattanwellness.org
2. Learn More About Our Team and Our Areas of Expertise
3. Begin Seeing Yourself in a Whole New Light!

OTHER THERAPY SERVICES AT MANHATTAN WELLNESS IN MANHATTAN, WESTCHESTER, BROOKLYN & THROUGHOUT NEW YORK

Our therapists understand that building confidence takes time and that other issues can come up along the way. To better support you, we offer a variety of services to cater to your individual needs. The therapy services we offer are Therapy for Self Esteem, Anxiety Treatment, and therapy for dating and relationship issues. As well as therapy for college students, support for maternal mental health, body image therapy, and so much more. Are you feel like you’re not living the life you want and need to make changes? Let’s talk about it.