Overcoming Perfectionism: How to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations This Holiday Season

The holiday season is often portrayed as the “most wonderful time of the year” –  an ideal time for celebration, connection, relaxation, and reflection as the year winds down and we prepare for an exciting, new year ahead. With all of the excitement, however, it can be a time of heightened stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. The pressure to create picture-perfect experiences, from family gatherings to holiday meals, can intensify expectations and stress. For those who struggle with perfectionism, the desire to meet these expectations can overshadow the true meaning of the season.

If you find yourself feeling the weight of perfectionism this holiday season, you’re not alone. Perfectionism is a common struggle for many individuals, particularly during times of heightened expectations like the holidays. Whether you’re hosting, accompanying a significant other to a holiday, or attending family gatherings, the pressure to impress and to have everything “just right” can make the holidays feel more like a burden than a time of celebration. By shifting your mindset and embracing the beauty of imperfection, you can enjoy the holidays and embrace a more authentic and relaxed holiday experience. Let’s talk about how.

Understanding Perfectionism

Perfectionism can be defined as the tendency to set unrealistically high standards for oneself and others, and be overly critical when those standards are not met. While striving for excellence in some areas of life can be healthy, perfectionism can lead to feelings of inadequacy, stress and burnout. Harvard Business Review said it well: perfectionism can be a “double-edged sword”, as it’s both motivating and anxiety-provoking. During the holidays, this pressure can peak as individuals aim to create flawless events, obsess over the details of holiday gatherings, idealize holiday traditions, or find themselves comparing themselves and their celebrations to those of others.

At its root, perfectionism is often driven by a desire to gain approval or avoid judgment, making it especially intense during times of heightened expectations, such as the holiday season. The idea of perfection is not only unattainable, but it is also subjective. And, here’s the truth: no one is perfect, and no holiday celebration is perfect, and that’s okay. What may seem perfect to one person may not resonate with another, and no holiday celebration will ever be flawless. The key to overcoming perfectionism is to embrace imperfection and focus on the things that matter most – connection, gratitude, and creating meaningful memories.

Tips for Overcoming Perfectionism

1. Shift Your Focus to What Matters Most. Instead of becoming preoccupied with the perfect decorations, meal, or gifts, focus on what truly matters: spending quality time with loved ones, creating meaningful memories, and embracing the joy of the season. Ask yourself what you want to remember about this holiday season. Is it the perfectly set table, or is it the laughter shared with family and friends? Is it the flawless gift, or is it the joy of giving a loved one something heartfelt? By focusing on the experiences rather than the perfection of the details, you can enjoy the season more fully.

2. Let Go of the Idea of “Perfect.” We don’t say this often, but when we do we mean it – lower your standards! Perfect doesn’t exist. Perfection is an idealized version of how things could be, and setting realistic expectations helps us embrace what actually is, without the pressure of unattainable standards. And since perfect doesn’t exist, neither does the “perfect” holiday  – it’s not about creating a flawless celebration, but about cherishing the moments that make the season special. Whether the cookies turn out perfectly or the decorations don’t look the way they did in the TikTok inspiration video, the spirit of the holiday remains unchanged when let go of perfection. Focus on what brings you joy, not on achieving an idealized version of the season.

3. Show Yourself Some Compassion. Perfectionism doesn’t actually thrive when we achieve an unrealistic expectation – it thrives on self-criticism. During the holidays, it’s essential to practice self-compassion. If things don’t go as planned, be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that it’s okay to make mistakes, and remind yourself that the holidays aren’t about perfection – they’re about presence, connection, and gratitude. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend who is experiencing the same pressures. By allowing yourself to make mistakes and not expecting perfection, you can reduce anxiety and cultivate a more peaceful mindset.

4. Practice Acceptance. Accept that not everything is going to go according to plan (yes, read that sentence again!). The holidays are unpredictable, and things rarely go exactly as planned. Instead of stressing about the unexpected, learn to embrace it. Whether it’s a last-minute change in plans, a batch of overbaked cookies, or travel delays, remember that it’s part of the experience. When you let go of the need for control, you allow yourself to enjoy the spontaneity and surprises of the season. It’s often these unplanned moments that make the holidays feel most authentic and joyful.

5. Be Mindful and Grateful. Mindfulness is a powerful tool for overcoming perfectionism. By staying present in the moment and appreciating what’s happening around you, you can shift your focus away from perfectionist thinking. Practice mindfulness by savoring simple moments: enjoying the warmth of a cup of tea, appreciating the beauty of holiday lights, or engaging in a conversation with a loved one without worrying about the next task. Gratitude also helps shift your mindset; take time to reflect on what you’re thankful for during the season. This will foster a sense of joy and contentment, regardless of external circumstances.

6. Set Realistic Goals and Boundaries. It’s easy to overcommit during the holidays. From attending multiple parties to hosting extended family gatherings, the pressure to do it all can be overwhelming. Setting realistic goals and boundaries can help you manage your time and energy. For example, if hosting a large gathering feels overwhelming, consider a more intimate event, ask for help or delegate tasks to others. Saying no to additional obligations or simplifying your plans can help you maintain a sense of control and reduce stress.

Remember, the holidays aren’t about achieving perfection—they’re about being present, connecting with loved ones, and embracing the joy of the season. Let go of the pressure to be perfect, and make space for the moments and memories that truly matter. Embrace the imperfections, and let the holidays be a time of warmth, love, and authenticity. 

Ready to let go of expectations, set boundaries and have a stress-free holiday season? 

1. Contact Manhattan Wellness or email us at hello@manhattanwellness.org
2. Schedule your first appointment with one of our amazing therapists who get it. 
3. Invest in yourself so you can enjoy what the holiday season brings! 

FIGURE OUT WHAT SUCCESS LOOKS LIKE FOR YOU WITH THERAPY FOR WOMEN IN MANHATTAN & BROOKLYN

The truth is, there’s no single or one-size-fits-all definition of success. Everyone has a different idea of what they want their life to look like. That is why it’s important to get clear on what that looks like for you. Once you have a better understanding of yourself and your values, you can start designing your life based on the things that are most important to you. 

Therapy for women in Manhattan and Brooklyn is a great way to figure out what success looks like for you. At Manhattan Wellness, we will provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and goals. So you can find clarity on what you want for yourself. We will pair your vulnerability with our empathy and encouragement. Then together we will uncover the key elements that will take you from where you are now to where you want to be. If you are ready to make the changes you want in your life:

1. Submit a Contact Form or Email Us at hello@manhattanwellness.org
2. Learn More About Our Team of Female Therapists and Our Areas of Expertise
3. Let’s Talk About How We Can Help You Feel Empowered & Ready To Take The Next Step. 

We believe that you have the power within yourself to make the changes you want and find your version of success. Our female therapists are here to support you in navigating this journey. Allowing you to reclaim your identity and take control of your life. Thus allowing you to create the future you’ve been dreaming of.

OTHER THERAPY SERVICES AT MANHATTAN WELLNESS IN NEW YORK

At Manhattan Wellness, our therapists are here to support you in navigating this journey and reclaiming your identity. So you can take control of your life and create the future you’ve been dreaming of. This is why we offer a variety of services to ensure you get the support, care, and guidance necessary. The therapy services we offer are Therapy for Maternal Mental Health, Self-Esteem Counseling, and Anxiety Treatment. Along with Dating/Relationship Counseling, Counseling for College Students, and more. Feel as if you are not living the life you deserve? Let’s talk about