Validation is something we all crave and enjoy. It’s part of being human. Being validated is powerful because it makes us feel understood, accepted, and confident. It can be validating to have a loved one acknowledge and support our emotions, receive praise from our boss for a job well done, or have friends agree with an opinion on a hot topic. It feels good to know that others see and appreciate us! It’s completely normal to feel empowered when we receive that validation.
But there’s a caveat. While it’s natural to appreciate positive feedback, becoming dependent on external validation can leave us feeling empty or uncertain when it’s absent or conditional. In this way, the danger is in placing our self-esteem in the hands of others and making our value contingent on their approval. In doing so, we allow external sources to control how we perceive ourselves.
We’re living in what feels like an ongoing digital renaissance, where seeking external validation has never been easier – yet, maintaining our emotional health in this social media-driven world has become more challenging than ever. So, how do we distinguish between healthy validation and what’s too much?
When we become reliant on external validation, we might find ourselves measuring our worth based on what others think: how we measure up to our peers, making decisions based on what we think will earn others’ approval, or how we are perceived in the eyes of society. The problem with this is that external validation is fleeting and unpredictable. But the truth is, your worth is intrinsic—it shouldn’t depend on anyone’s approval or assessment of you. Understanding this is crucial because when we build our self-worth from within, it becomes a stable, unshakable foundation.
Why Self-Worth is Essential
It’s important to understand why cultivating self-worth is so critical to leading a fulfilling life. Self-worth is the internal sense of being valuable and deserving of love, respect, and happiness. It’s how we view ourselves when the outside world isn’t watching. When we build up our self-worth, we no longer feel the need to seek constant validation from others. We stop measuring our lives against social standards and external approval. Instead, we embrace our unique qualities and celebrate the things that make us unique.
When our self-worth is tied to external factors, we become vulnerable to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. Our emotions fluctuate depending on how others treat us or how well we perform. However, by shifting our focus inward and recognizing the inherent value we already have, we can begin to cultivate steadier emotions and a stronger sense of self. This process doesn’t happen overnight, but the journey to discovering your true worth is one that’s well worth taking – and we have a few favorite suggestions to help you begin this journey in a meaningful, manageable way.
1. Recognize the Power of Your Own Voice
Our world is filled with noise from social media, family expectations, societal pressures, click bait, group chats, and push notifications (to name a few). With all the noise, it’s easy to lose sight of what you truly want, believe, or feel. Take time to tune out external influences and pay attention to your inner thoughts and desires.
Start by creating moments of quiet each day to connect with yourself. Meditation, journaling, or simply sitting in silence with your phone on Do Not Disturb can help you become more attuned to your feelings and intuition. When you begin to trust your own thoughts and instincts, you start to take back the power external validation had over you. You start to tune back into your own internal compass. This helps you become less reliant on what others think of you and more confident in your own judgment.
2. Focus on Your Strengths, Not Your Shortcomings
We are often our harshest critics, fixating on our perceived flaws, mistakes, or areas of weakness. However, using negative self-talk and constantly dwelling on what we lack only reinforces feelings of inadequacy. To shift your focus to your true worth, start by noticing your negative patterns then redirecting your attention to your strengths.
What are the qualities you admire about yourself? What achievements, no matter how small, can you celebrate? What’s that one book, show or hobby that you are absolutely obsessed with right now? Recognize the things you love and the things you do well – whether it’s your ability to listen to others, your creativity, your work ethic, or your compassion. We begin to build a more positive self-image when we start to acknowledge and appreciate our strengths as having nothing to do with what other people say or think our strengths are! You’re building a self-image that’s rooted in what you bring to the table rather than what you think is missing.
3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our lives to those of others. We see curated versions of people’s lives everywhere – highlight reels, filtered photos, dating apps, and carefully crafted success stories – and begin to believe that we are falling short. This is likely when negative thoughts start to sneak back in, and when it becomes easy to turn to external validation for reassurance. But the truth is, comparison is the thief of joy.
To stop the cycle of comparison, remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to someone else’s success, appearance, or preferences. Everybody is on their own unique path in life, including you. It’s essential to focus on your personal growth and achievements rather than measuring yourself against others. Celebrate your personal milestones and progress, and remember that your journey can’t truly be yours if it’s focused on everyone else. Your life and your path are just as valuable as anyone else’s, so make sure you’re living it for yourself. Comparing yourself to someone else’s path only detracts from your own progress.
4. Set Boundaries to Protect Your Energy
One of the most empowering ways to build your self-worth is by setting clear boundaries with others. Boundaries can sound scary – but boundaries aren’t meant to push people away. They’re to help us build better and stronger relationships with others and with ourselves. When you set boundaries, you are telling yourself that your needs and feelings matter. As you begin to honor your own needs, you’ll notice an increase in self-respect and self-esteem. The kindest thing you can do for yourself is set a boundary.
To practice setting boundaries, first check in with yourself and what you need. Notice what is interfering with how you feel: Is it sadness from unhealthy social comparison, anxiety about someone not texting you back, or burnout from working overtime for your boss? Once you figure out what is negatively affecting you, set limits around the culprit. Maybe it’s setting a timer to limit social media scrolling, or maybe it’s verbalizing that you have a hard-stop on a meeting that always runs over. Boundaries can be your advocate when it comes to building your self-worth.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
We all make mistakes, encounter setbacks, and experience moments of self-doubt. We’re human! And we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t make mistakes. It’s essential to approach yourself with kindness during these times, rather than criticism. When you treat yourself with the same compassion that you would offer to a friend, you acknowledge that you are human, and that your worth isn’t diminished by imperfection.
Self-compassion involves forgiving yourself for past mistakes, acknowledging that you are doing the best you can, and treating yourself with patience and understanding. This practice not only fosters a healthier relationship with yourself but also helps to shift your mindset from one of judgment to one of self-love and acceptance.
Are you ready to improve your self-esteem and find the power in defining your own self-worth?
- Submit a Contact Form or Email Us at hello@manhattanwellness.org
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We believe that you have the power within yourself to make the changes you want and find your version of success. Our female therapists are here to support you in navigating this journey. Allowing you to reclaim your identity and take control of your life. Thus allowing you to create the future you’ve been dreaming of.
FEEL MORE CONFIDENT WITH THERAPY FOR WOMEN IN BROOKLYN & MANHATTAN, NEW YORK
At Manhattan Wellness, we understand that with all the messages we receive from the world, it can be difficult to maintain a positive narrative about ourselves. From social media, movies, and even people close to us, it can be hard to drown out the negative. So much so that our inner critic takes over and we forget to show ourselves the same compassion as others. That’s why our female therapists want to support you in building the confidence you need to reach your highest potential. Let us help you create an empowering narrative that will benefit all aspects of your life, from personal to professional. If you are interested in beginning counseling for women:
- Submit a Contact Form or Email Us at hello@manhattanwellness.org
- Learn More About Our Team and Our Areas of Expertise
- Begin Seeing Yourself in a Whole New Light!
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES AT MANHATTAN WELLNESS IN NEW YORK
At Manhattan Wellness, our therapists are here to support you in navigating this journey and reclaiming your identity. So you can take control of your life and create the future you’ve been dreaming of. This is why we offer a variety of services to ensure you get the support, care, and guidance necessary. The therapy services we offer are Therapy for Maternal Mental Health, Self-Esteem Counseling, and Anxiety Treatment. Along with Dating/Relationship Counseling, Counseling for College Students, and more. Feel as if you are not living the life you deserve? Let’s talk about
