Motherhood often appears as a picture-perfect journey filled with sweet baby snuggles and heart-melting moments. While those moments certainly exist (and are worth savoring!), the reality is that motherhood can also be incredibly challenging—both physically and mentally. From the hormonal shifts of the postpartum period to juggling the demands of older children, each stage of motherhood presents its own set of stressors.
So, let’s talk about it. We will cover some of the most common ways motherhood can impact your mental health, including how hormonal shifts can send our emotions into overdrive, the overwhelm that comes with trying to balance our children’s needs with our own and how to handle unrealistic societal pressures of perfectionism.
If motherhood feels different than you imagined, please know that you’re not alone. Every mom experiences moments of doubt, exhaustion and overwhelm. This blog will provide strategies and solutions for taking care of your own needs.
Postpartum Hormonal Shifts
How This Can Impact You: Did you know it can take between three and six months for your hormonal levels to return to prepregnancy levels? These fast-changing hormonal shifts can leave you feeling like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. During pregnancy, the hormones estrogen and progesterone increase dramatically. These hormones can contribute to feelings of happiness. Oxytocin levels also surge after giving birth, which can lead to feelings of warmth and connection. However, estrogen, progesterone and human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) levels begin to drop as soon as you deliver and continue to drop quickly in the following few weeks. The initial surge of oxytocin will begin to fade as well. This hormone shift, coupled with the new stresses of parenting and lack of sleep, can lead to feelings of sadness and anxiety. These shifts can also disrupt your ability to fall asleep and lead to the frustration of not being able to sleep alongside your baby. These feelings are known as the baby blues and typically last for two to three weeks. After around three to six weeks postpartum, your hormonal levels will slowly begin to stabilize. If those initial feelings of sadness and anxiety have not improved, it may be a sign of a postpartum mood disorder like postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. Seeking early support from a maternal mental health specialist can help you navigate these difficult emotions.
What to Do About It: Awareness will be your ally during this period. Mood swings after giving birth can feel confusing but they are very common given the rapid shifts in hormonal levels. Making a plan to prioritize support during these weeks can be beneficial in helping you work through your emotions. Before you give birth, decide which family members or friends you want as your circle of support. Aim to surround yourself with people who can provide practical support (like washing bottles or cooking dinner) and emotional support (like hugging or listening). If you have a partner, make sure they are aware of the postpartum hormonal timeline. That way, they can offer additional support and understanding. For example, the third day after delivery is often the most difficult in terms of hormone drops. Making your partner aware of this can help them preemptively give you time for an extra nap or to watch a comfort TV show. The emotions may still be intense but they will feel more predictable and manageable.
The Mental Load
How This Can Impact You: If you are a mom, you are likely already aware of the mental load. It is the intangible and often unacknowledged burden of managing the many, many responsibilities of parenthood. Part of the mental load is both practical and logistical. It might mean thinking about household chores, coordinating childcare, planning meals your toddler will actually eat, making doctor’s appointments and more. The other part is emotional labor. This might mean feeling responsible for managing a child’s tantrums, Googling whether a child is meeting their milestones or worrying about childcare. This onslaught of new tasks and worries, on top of your regular to-do list, can feel extremely overwhelming. The mental gymnastics required to anticipate needs, make constant decisions and execute them is demanding. This mental load can have a real impact on maternal mental health. Research suggests that, in heterosexual parental partnerships, mothers perform more of the domestic labor and are more stressed and exhausted than fathers. If a mother is partnered, they can begin to feel resentful toward their partner for not helping more. This can lead to challenges in their relationship. Over time, the mental load can exacerbate feelings of depression and anxiety.
What To Do About It: Sometimes, it can seem like delegating a responsibility is just another aspect of the mental load. Instead of delegating, try dividing up responsibilities with your partner or members of your support system. Dividing up who is owning what childcare responsibilities and priorities can allow you to take a significant amount of work off your shoulders instead of just a task here or there. Be intentional about what that ownership means. For example, being responsible for meals can be vague; outline the task as being responsible for researching a plan to start solids, buying foods that your baby needs and likes and ensuring you have meals prepped for the week. These specifics can help prevent miscommunications and resentment.
Identity Loss
How This Can Impact You: New motherhood can often bring about a profound sense of identity loss. Suddenly, the roles and responsibilities that once defined you (like being a leader at your company, a caring friend or an adventurous traveler) may feel faded or distant. Your priorities, interests and sense of self can feel eclipsed by the demands of motherhood. A workout class with a friend is harder to coordinate, date nights now require a babysitter and even finding time to watch your favorite TV show can feel hard. This can leave you feeling lost and unsure of who you are outside of your role as a mother. Your sense of self can become intertwined with that of your child, so you might feel like you’ve lost a piece of who you once were.
What to Do About It: Prioritize finding moments to connect with your pre-motherhood self as you navigate this new identity. In the early days of motherhood, this could be listening to a segment of your favorite podcast while showering. Connecting with one part of yourself outside of motherhood for even five minutes a day can help you remember that those parts of you are still there. As you continue along your journey, engage more deeply with parts of yourself that you haven’t accessed recently. If you are on maternity leave and yearn for connection with work, call a coworker while you go for a stroller walk. If you are craving connection with friends, ask your partner or childcare provider to watch the monitor while you meet up for dinner. Treat these moments as part of your nonnegotiable self-care. Reacquainting yourself with the parts of you that exist outside of motherhood can help you navigate your journey as a mom.
Self-Esteem
How This Can Impact You: Becoming a mom can be a huge jolt to your self-esteem. You are suddenly thrust into a new, unfamiliar role where the stakes feel very high. You are surrounded by new terms and new worries. What weight percentile is my baby? Which swaddle does my baby like? How can I get my baby to latch or take a bottle? On top of that, tasks that once felt easy can feel so much harder post-baby. Finding time to do the seemingly endless loads of laundry, making meals that work for your new family and even just getting a good night’s sleep can feel impossible. It is natural to feel unsure of yourself in the face of these new priorities. Over time, these insecurities can take a real toll on your self-esteem and can show up in sneaky ways like speaking negatively to yourself, feeling increasing amounts of mom guilt or holding onto unrealistic expectations.
What to Do About It: Embracing a growth mindset can help you build confidence as a mom. A growth mindset is about believing your abilities are not set in stone and can be developed. Instead of focusing on limitations, focus on possibilities. Empower yourself to view setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning. Maybe you are having a hard time getting your baby to sleep at night or your chosen feeding method isn’t going as smoothly as you’d hoped. Instead of unleashing your inner critic, aim to approach the challenge with curiosity. What resources or support do you need? What can you learn? What small victories can you celebrate? A growth mindset allows you to bypass the trap of inner criticism and focus on what you need to learn to get where you want to go. With each hurdle you overcome, your confidence grows. You can begin to trust your ability to handle whatever motherhood throws your way. You can start to recognize that you’re not expected to have all the answers, but you’re willing to learn and adapt as you go. Having trouble shifting into a growth mindset? Challenge yourself to remember times when you overcame what you thought you wouldn’t.
Sleep Deprivation
How This Can Impact You: Sleep deprivation can have a profound impact on maternal mental health. Chronic sleep deprivation increases your stress hormones and inhibits your ability to regulate your emotions. This can lead to mood disturbances, irritability and heightened emotional reactivity. Sleep deprivation also impairs cognitive function, making it difficult for mothers to concentrate, make decisions and effectively manage daily tasks. This cognitive fog can intensify feelings of inadequacy and incompetence, which can chip away at maternal self-esteem and confidence. While a few nights of poor sleep can be handled, chronic sleep deprivation (think: the majority of the newborn period or carrying on into the later baby months or toddler years) can be harmful. This lack of quality sleep, coupled with the many demands of new motherhood, can contribute to the development of postpartum depression and anxiety.
What to Do About It: You have likely heard the old adage of sleep when the baby sleeps. While naps can be helpful, prioritizing consolidated sleep can be a gamechanger for your mental well-being. Highly fragmented sleep (e.g., those two-hour intervals before the baby’s next wake up) deprives you of critical rapid eye movement (REM) sleep stages. REM sleep is critical for emotional well-being, cognitive function and memory consolidation. This means that even if you are able to catch some sleep, it doesn’t make you feel as refreshed. Create a plan that allows you to get the most consolidated sleep that is feasible for you and your family. This might mean having a partner or other caregiver handle the baby’s wakeups every other night. It also could look like splitting the nights up with a partner or caregiver so each person sleeps for a longer chunk. If you are choosing to breastfeed, this might mean pumping or supplementing with formula for a few feedings so that you can prioritize your own sleep. Make sleep as high a priority as all the other baby care items on your list. It is critical for your own well-being.
Conclusion
It’s crucial for mothers to recognize the importance of prioritizing their mental well-being and seeking support when needed. Therapy can be a powerful tool to safeguard your mental health. Working with a maternal mental health specialist can help provide you with a safe space to explore your emotions, develop coping strategies and foster resilience. By taking proactive steps to support mental health, moms can better navigate the ups and downs of parenting.
FIND CONFIDENCE AND NURTURE YOUR MATERNAL MENTAL HEALTH IN MANHATTAN, BROOKLYN, OR NEW YORK
At Manhattan Wellness, we understand that the fourth trimester is a time of transition and adjustment. From adjusting to your new identity as a mom to navigating infant and postpartum care, it can be an overwhelming process. One that no one prepared you for. That’s why our female therapists want to support you in prioritizing your maternal mental health during the fourth trimester. Let us help you take care of yourself so you can feel confident in your new role as a mom. If you are interested in therapy for your maternal mental health:
- Submit a Contact Form or Email Us at hello@manhattanwellness.org
- Learn More About Our Team and Our Areas of Expertise
- Prioritize Your Maternal Mental Health and Embrace the Fourth Trimester!
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES AT MANHATTAN WELLNESS IN MANHATTAN, WESTCHESTER, BROOKLYN & THROUGHOUT NEW YORK
Our therapists understand that with becoming a new mother, there can be a variety of different needs that arise. Apart from helping you navigate the fourth trimester and maternal mental health, our therapists also offer a variety of services to cater to your individual needs. The therapy services we offer are Anxiety Treatment, Therapy for Depression, Stress Management, and Therapy for Women. As well as Therapy for Self-Esteem, support for, body image therapy, and so much more. Do you feel like you’re not living the life you want and need to make changes? Let’s talk about it.
